Not Ashamed: Bisexual

If you haven't already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page.

Let's kick this one off by me explaining what I mean when I say that I'm bisexual. There are a few different ways that it gets defined by people who wear the label, and some have even decided that the way some of us use the term is better called something else. But "bisexual" is what resonates with me. So, that's my label. And, for me, that means that I am attracted to those like me and those not like me. (Those are the two populations that make up the "bi" in there for me.) I am romantically and sexually attracted to people in both categories on a person-by-person basis. Again, that's not a clarification that all of you will understand the need for, but it's something that comes up and that matters.

I don't divide by two biological sexes, male and female, because there are people who are intersex or trans. And because I'm open to the belief that there are populations in which more than just two biological sexes are acknowledged (instead of existing but being ignored). Whilst I tend to skew slightly towards attraction to biological males, they're definitely not the only ones who work for me.

I also don't just divide by two genders. As those of you who've read my post on being genderfluid have (hopefully) learned, there are more than two genders, more than just the masculine and the feminine. And pinning down which, if any, gender I'm most attracted to is pretty impossible (and not really a necessary task, in my opinion).

In general, I don't really divide when it comes to attraction. I'm attracted to individuals.

I specify both romantic and sexual attraction because there are people who can find themselves sexually attracted to, for instance, men without being romantically attracted. It's all physical and they have no inclination towards emotional involvement or relationships. And vice versa. For me, sometimes it's all emotional and sometimes it's all sexual. Sometimes it's both. And all three of those states have occurred towards a wide array of those who are both like me in terms of, among other things, sex or gender and those who are unlike me.

People have a lot of misperceptions about bisexuals, some of which have been reinforced by actions of bisexuals they have known or by the stereotypes the media portrays (in those rare cases they portray someone as bisexual). So, that's the next thing I want to clarify.

That I am bisexual doesn't mean I believe I have license to cheat or that I believe I am at the mercy of my libido. If you have had a bisexual partner cheat on you with that excuse, that's a story about them and how they failed to act honestly and be true; that is not an inherent part of being bisexual. I am quite capable of being faithful.

That I am bisexual doesn't mean I need polyamory. I have plenty of friends for whom polyamory is the answer, and I'm not judging them. It's just not who I am and is not an inherent part of being bisexual. I am, in fact, zealously monogamous.

That I am bisexual doesn't mean that I'm promiscuous. I'm not here to slut shame anyone, but people assuming my bisexuality makes me easy (and, by "people," I mainly mean drunk blokes at parties or bars) has gotten old.

I don't "claim" to be bisexual for attention. Believe me, mate, I've got plenty of ways to get attention.

I don't "claim" to be bisexual to make boys want me. Believe me, mate, I've got plenty of ways to get boys to like me.

This isn't a phase. I'm out of uni and still attracted to all sorts of people.

Whether or not I am currently having sex with both males and females, even if I get married to someone and never sleep with anyone else again, I am still bisexual. Just like you are still homosexual or heterosexual when you aren't getting laid.

I am not going to pursue your partner, male or female. Part of my zealous monogamy includes a respect for your relationship, even if you are with someone who's a Very Bad Fit for you.

One aspect that makes me a little crazy, and you'll recognise this if you're heterosexual as well, is a trust issue when it comes to friends. You know what I mean. You are, for instance, a straight girl with a male friend. You get close, and they freak out. You get close and their girlfriend assumes you're going to steal them. Even if you're actually asexual and a robot. (Note: In my mind, neither being asexual or a robot is a negative thing, nor is there 100% overlap between the groups.) Once people find out I'm bisexual...well, that can get fun. Am I no longer to be trusted with male or female friends? If you are a female friend, will I be unable to restrain myself from jumping you (in spite of the admirable restraint I've shown by not jumping almost any of my male friends)? Sure, boys and girls, I might mention interest, because some of the things that make you a cool friend might also make you a good partner. But I am in charge of me. Even if my heart throws itself, I can manage to not jump you. (I know; how very strong of me. I must be a sodding superhero!) I can even manage, when you aren't interested, to not be weird and to just be friends like we've always been. (I'd give you references, but that might just ruin all the "not being weird" in those relationships...)

Because, really, I am the same person you've known all this time. Even if you hadn't realised the breadth of my attractions. And, really, I'm probably not interested in you "that way." If I were, it's likely that I'd already have told you. Move along, folks, nothing to see here...

p.s. Here are some stats about bisexuals that I'm going to put in your face whilst you're already on the topic. (Click to enlarge.)