In the discussion of Nature vs Nurture (are humans shaped by the nature they’re born with or the nurture of what happens in their lives?), I’ve always figured it was a mix of both things. The analogy I always use is that each of us is like a gem stone. Our nature is that chunk of stone. Our nurture is the chisel that determines our cut or the tweezers that put us in a setting. In good news, there are a couple of key ways we aren’t like those gems.
First, we’re conscious (even if some of us sometimes feel dumb as rocks…haha). This means that we are not just passive victims to the chisel and tweezers. We can wield those tools ourselves; we can choose how we’re cut and where we’re placed to some degree. Sometimes to huge degrees. Don’t like what you’ve become due to the circumstances of your life or where that’s led you? You can do something about it. And that’s not just because you’re conscious…
Second, we can regenerate bits that got chiselled off. When we don’t like our cut and want to change it, we don’t just have to keep whittling ourselves down to nothing and to tiny gems that can barely be seen. Life beat you down and you feel like you lost some trait you like? Chances are good you can act to get it back, to change which facets of yourself are shining out there.
Why is this on my mind right now? Not just because, as some of you have noticed, I’m big on taking control of and responsibility for your own choices and life and never just letting yourself be a victim. Big on always working to be your best self, even though we’re all going to fail at that sometimes.
Nope. I’m thinking about this right this moment cos I was asked an interesting question in email. The context was the ways in which our natures and how we’ve been nurtured can make it hard for us to rise to opportunities we’re given or to do some good that we’re asked to do. The question asked was this:
“Do you ever feel trapped in your own personality?”
In context, I find it a fascinating question. Are there ever times I don’t feel like I can re-cut my facets to do all I want to do? But pulling it out of context, there are more questions, including another way to understand this question. So, here’s a list of questions I’m pondering that came out of this…I’m not going to give you my full answers (or even answer all of them) because I feel like the answers would be long and maybe a bit too inside my privacy zone. But I think the direction my brain goes says something about me. And it gives you a little something for your own pondering…I don’t know about you, but I love good, meaty questions to ponder!
Do you ever feel trapped in your own personality?
Are there ever times you don’t feel like you can re-cut your facets to do all you want to do? (This doesn’t include the ways that money or time or opportunities limit you. One thing I will say here is that, when I feel anything like this might be holding me back, I try to evaluate what it is that makes me think I can’t do something. Is it really some bit of character I lack or can I take actions that, whilst difficult and outside my comfort zone, will let me do the thing? A lot of times, the answer to “I’m not the kind of person who does/says Thing,” is as simple as doing or saying Thing. Both good and bad. And when I just do the Good Thing, even if it doesn’t feel comfortable or it scares me or something, I get to live with the pleasure of knowing I did/tried to do it. Just like I’ve had to live with shame the times I just did the Bad Thing even if I wasn’t that kind of person…And then I try not to do that again. There are plenty of actions that aren’t limited by my personality, only by whether I allow myself to be held back the discomfort my personality causes me to feel about such actions. That cuts down on the time I feel trapped by my personality in this kind of context.)
Are there ever times that the personality you’ve built as your public face (or even as something to hold to in private because that can be easier than true self sharing and/or assessment) holds you back or makes you feel trapped…as if it’s making the choices for you or as if you’ll lose friends, family, supporters, respect, etc if you change it or set it aside? (Fortunately, I haven’t really done this since I was a teenager…)
Do you ever feel trapped by the person you are trying to be (even if that person is a positive thing)?
Do you ever feel trapped by who others expect you to be?
Do you ever feel trapped by who others think you are? (This can include both times they’re just plain wrong about who they decided to believe you are and the times that they think you’re still someone that you used to be but no longer are. It seems like the latter is more likely to happen the longer you know someone.)
Are you ever trapped by who you incorrectly think others are or by not being willing to see if you’re incorrect in who you think they are?
Do you ever feel trapped by who it is you think you’re supposed to be?
Do you ever feel trapped by the demeanour you think you’re supposed to have?
Do you ever feel trapped because your personality is at odds with what’s considered normal?
Do you ever feel trapped because one of the facets of your personality is something strong that inclines you toward making choices or taking actions that are harmful to you and/or those around you? (To be clear, if this sort of thing is going on, I never believe it’s okay just to stop fighting it and just accept it. I believe in working to make sure the other, better facets are the ones in charge. I believe in working to be conscious of the unwanted facets and resisting them. We all have flaws, demons, struggles. And fighting against them is, in itself, revealing a better facet of ourselves.)
As I ponder and journal and let this batch of questions squirm around in my brain, I’m sure more questions will occur to me. Cos this brain never spools down…But I reckon this is enough for most people who want to get all ponder-y. So, happy pondering! And best of luck staying out of the traps and being a pretty, shiny gem stone.
xxx